My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
