toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm jealous of your bromance
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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