when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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