Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
