Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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