Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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