Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
even my farts smell like vagina
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
