Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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