your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
