Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
