i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
