Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
