I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
