The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
