Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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