she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
