absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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