i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
