chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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