he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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