You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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