I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
