I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
