Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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