Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
