do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
