She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
