K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
