I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
