thus making me awesome and them whores
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
