she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
