why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
