to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
