I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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