The maid of honor just puked.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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