I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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