Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I still have a little drunk in my system
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
