By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
