I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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