2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
