I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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