well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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