You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
