She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
