whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
