you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
