We named our party play list daddy issues
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
