and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
