And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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