turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
