So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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