I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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