Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
