I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
