Sacagawea was the original milf.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am one with the molecules
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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