I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
