my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
