getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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