What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
