chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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