i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
where are you?
Hypothermia
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
