Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Pooping to opera.
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