His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
