My nipple is on Facebook.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
