So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
