i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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