so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
