im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
