Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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