is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
