She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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