he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
