I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
