just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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