guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
