Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
