I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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