the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
