Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
