When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
