so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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