im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
