We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
