How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
