One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
